


Just Add Water: The Incident at Giant's Mound

by Watergirl1968



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:58:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4480034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little ficlet...Jean and Eren taking the piss out of each other. Over Armin. What else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Add Water: The Incident at Giant's Mound

It had begun that morning. Levi's squad had pitched camp upon a massive, hollowed piece of rock known as Giant's Mound. Levi disliked Giant’s Mound; shaped like a mushroom, it was impossible for titans to scale, yet still contained far too many pockets and blind spots for his comfort.

His squad loved Giant's Mound however; the rock afforded a jump-off into a deep, cold river, and the high ground meant a warm campfire afterward. Sasha Blouse had caught three fish, and these were roasted and devoured, their bones sucked clean.

The soldiers slept under the stars; bellies not full but at least not aching, the dome of stars winking overhead.

Dawn came, and with it a cloying, chilly mist which soaked their gear, making breakfast miserable and meagre. Each soldier was down to one last tin of a protein stew called  _black tart_ ; a dark, gristly offering best choked down with hot tea and not examined too closely.

Captain Levi crouched on a rock, shrouded in his hooded green cape, finger-feeding himself mechanically from the tin, cold-eyed, like a scavenger crow.

Armin woke late, muzzy-headed and quiet. He uncurled and pushed off his hood, haystack hair askew and cheeks pinched. To Jean, he looked like a crumpled faerie stumbling out of the mist.

"Morning," Eren called to his boyhood friend, poking at their sullen fire.

"Humph," Armin replied. "What've we got? Any buns?"

"Hard biscuits. And this." Jean tossed a tin of  _black tart_  to Armin. Armin bobbled it twice before dropping it into the stubbly grass. 

"Ugh."

Armin looked at Sasha, as if her passion for food might somehow produce a morsel of something tasty. "Not even a piece of hard cheese?"

The archer shook her head. "What d'ya want? I got you a fish."

"But I got the head." Armin groused, wandering over to where Jean sat, prepping his gear.

As Eren watched, Jean reached into his jacket and produced a small jar. "I sort of found this," he said quietly to Armin.

Armin stood on tiptoe. He looked at the little jar. His eyes widened. And then, a small smile, and a dimple pocketed one of his cheeks. Such a rarity.

Jean took a piece of hard biscuit, and dipped it into the jar. Honey. He handed it to Armin.

Armin sat himself down contentedly between Jean's knees, cross-legged, and proceeded to dig the remains of the honey out of the tiny jar.

Jean looked up. Saw Eren scowling at him. Jean smirked, satisfied. And regretted it instantly…he really had no  _beef_ with Eren; but the latter was so easy to rile up.

"Aw, shoot," he muttered to himself. Eren kicked at the fire, and it sparked.

__________

If Jean Kirschstein had thought the matter closed, he found out otherwise when he slid his left foot into his combat boot, squelching into a mess that proved to be a combination of Eren's black tart ration and horse turd.

He shook his head slowly, chuckling to himself.  "Oh…." he growled, "oh, it's on now, Jaeger…."

__________

Jean and Eren spent the better part of the afternoon's survey sniping back and forth. If the Captain noticed he gave no sign.

Armin rode behind the Captain, scribbling and sketching, and burping honey.

Nightfall found them back at Giant's Mound. They'd swam, and Levi had ordered them all to have a good scrub with lye soap. He did as much himself; digging fastidiously at his fingernails, ears and neck.

As the stars began winking overhead, the soldiers pitched their bedrolls around the fire. Connie Springer and Jean Kirschstein were assigned first watch.

The two soldiers took their place at the edge of the encampment. Connie surveyed the surrounding landscape. Jean glowered at Eren.

"Hey Con," he said finally, "give us your tin cup."

"What for?"

"I need it, that's what for." Jean smacked Connie in the head.

"Why?"

"So I can make Jaeger piss himself."

" _What??_ "

"He gave me a boot full of shit this morning."

Connie snickered.

"So what - "

"I'm gonna stick his hand in a cup of warm water. You watch. He'll piss himself, and we've no change of clothes. He can sleep in his own piss."

"I can't let you do that."

"Yeah, you can."

"Don't ever do it to _me_ , though."

"I won't."

"I mean it, asshole."

Watch changed. Sasha and Mikasa rose, and armed themselves. Eren slept, one hand clutching the key he wore around his neck, the other flung above his head.

Jean slunk over beside him, made as if to lie down, carefully picked up Eren's hand, placing it into the cup. Across the fire, Connie watched, wide-eyed.

"Just add water," Jean snickered.

__________

Hellfire on earth broke loose.

Giant's Mound shook and buckled, steam blinding Jean and scorching his nostrils and his throat. He rolled blindly, snarling, crawling toward his gear.

The air rumbled; it resonated in his bones, deafening him. Stench. Smoke.

And then, he was plucked up off of Giant's Mound…and into the giant's hand.

Mikasa and Levi, always the first to arm, swarmed around the head of the beast that had snatched Jean up.

Jean looked up, into a pair of enormous, gleaming slanted eyes; eyes which burned like dragon fire.

"Eren!" Mikasa cried out, landing on the rogue titan's shoulder.  _"Eren, stop!"_

 _"Eren!"_  Armin, on the ground screeched, struggling into his harness, craning up at the sight of Eren palming and toying with Jean.

Eren opened his mouth; a molten, fetid tunnel to hell.

Jean froze, his reactions cancelling out his instincts, leaving him unable to think. 

_Yes, this was a titan, but it was also his close friend, their rivalry notwithstanding. Yes, this was Eren, but in this form, he had once tried to flatten Mikasa. How much of "Eren" was present when he was thus transformed?_

The titan brought Jean closer to his face, his tongue lolling like an enormous pink whale.

"Shit!" Jean bawled, "Eren! Eren,  _don’t!_

_Raaaaaawwwrrrrrr!_

The sound was terrifying, and confusing.  _Was this a crisis? Was it anything? Was he about to die? Was this a prank?_

Unable to attack; unable to escape this beast, unable to process if the terror he felt was warranted, Jean Kirchstein…..simply pissed himself.

 _"Haaaaaaaah!"_  a volcanic roar, as if the earth was erupting.  _"Haaaaah HAH HAAAAH!!"_

Eren was laughing at him.

"Sweet Maria's tits," Jean whimpered. "You fucking molten  _prick!"_

__________

Silence.

Scrubbing.

Two soldiers, on their knees, in Commander Smith's quarters, scrubbing every corner with tiny wooden brushes until the floors shone and their skin puckered and blistered from the harsh soap.

"Fuck, this stings," Jean chuckled.

"Yup," Eren Jaeger agreed.

"After this, we have to run the yard until we drop," Jean moaned.

"Yup," the young soldier from Shiganshina grinned. "I don't give a shit. It was worth it."

He looked up, catching Jean's eye; his expression more mirthful than malicious. 

"Friends?"

Jean chortled. "Friends."


End file.
